KTHAAANKSSS :)
I wasn’t trying to change you ,
Please don’t think that it’s true,
I just kind of wanted to hate you,
And that’s the only way I knew how to
To dislike, and despise you,
Terrorize and turn blue,
Never know what hit me,
Except that you’re perfect.
Chapter Two
After finally ending up getting a room at the Marriot, Wayne waved off the attendant. He clambered into his room, swearing slightly. He was fairly drunk on wine and passed out face-first on the double bed, his single bag still in hand.
Wayne woke up, his head throbbed slightly, but he didn’t care. He stumbled over to the window and blinked hard, looking out onto the even lawn. He grinned despite his hangover, he was home again. He could see Tara again, today. He just needed to find her number again.
He showered and got dressed before checking the time and heading downstairs. At 12.30, he would only be able to get hold of lunch. He walked around and found the reception, figured out where he would be able to get lunch and try to get Tara’s number off his phone.
He ate without realizing what he was eating as he looked over the crystal pool, and vowed to go swimming in it that very day. He rifled through his contacts list on his phone but the last called and received numbers had completely vanished. Wayne decided the only thing he could do was go to a well-known social spot and try and find someone who knew her.
He decided to head down to the cliff face mall first, and grabbed a cab, bargaining for the cheapest price. He was excited to see the city, he had been away for three years, not wanting to face everyone together. He wandered around, seeing no one who looke remotely like Tara. Except sometimes some girls would have the same hair he remembered, or the scent of her shampoo was carried over to him in the breeze.
He went to the bookshop and stayed there for a few hours, rifling through anything and everything. He just couldn’t concentrate in there. It was the exact same as he remembered it. He could almost imagine things getting stranger and Tara floating through the door in a gauzy dress and spinning around to a song laughing to herself, or someone else, maybe him. But he’d never know, because his imagination was getting to him.
“Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask you to be quiet. I appreciate that our bookstore inspires happiness in you, but you’re bothering the other patrons,” A young woman with glasses perched on her nose was peering down at him. Wayne hadn’t realized that he had starting singing, and loudly too. He couldn’t help noticing that when she shook her head, she did it the same way as Tara used to. He stared at her, wordless. She seemed to be slightly annoyed at him, and she pursed her lips, “well, I’m glad you got that. You do speak English, right?” The girl narrowed her eyes.
Wayne coughed into a fist and leaned back on the step he was occupying, “yes, I do. I got that. Um, I’m terribly sorry.” He grabbed a couple books and got up, brushing past her. He bought them and decided he should probably leave. There wasn’t much to do in town, and though he might just relax, and call his family since he was here anyway.
There were no payphones, and his phone didn’t get a signal in Africa at all. He thought he should pop into his parent’s home anyway and let them know he was back, after heavily insisting he wouldn’t come back unless it was urgent. He got a mini open taxi, a Tuk-Tuk, similar to the rickshaws in India. When he got home he waited outside a moment. Wayne knew it wouldn’t be very different, but he was simply nervous. He didn’t know what to say when he was asked why he came back. He could pass it off as a surprise but his older sisters would definitely know why he looked so lost.
He knocked at the gate, and waited for the security guard to come and open the door. It was four in the afternoon and the sun was beating down on the earth, cracking the black dirt down the middle. He sighed lightly, he supposed he couldn’t complain, he had lived here his whole life. He grinned as the security asked him who he was.
“Wayne, don’t you remember me, old man?” Wayne clapped his shoulder lightly and recognition shone on the old man’s face. He looked tired and weathered; it wasn’t much of a difference because Wayne remembered him that way from when he was a child.
Wayne, back in his old room, sighed. He supposed it was a good thing his family had bought the excuse, and he supposed it was because he wasn’t actually acting. He was happy to see his parents and his two slightly obnoxious but loving sisters. The posters that surrounded his bed were old, but he missed them.
He told his parents he was leaving and went back downstairs, only to be grabbed by either arm by either sister. Karrie and Teriyan Interrogated him until even though he refused to answer.
In the end they convinced a short, hurried explanation from Wayne as he expressed his desire to escape and search for Tara. Her liquid brown doe eyes filled with hurt the last time they really talked in person consumed his sight. He stumbled out of the house, and was out of the gate before he realized he couldn’t see anything at all. Night had fallen quickly, and even though he wanted to find Tara, Wayne’s common sense overrode him.
Note: chapter Two's not really finished. :)
Wayne ran a hand through his short brown hair and made faces to wake himself up. The engines whirred around him and he slowly grinned as an airhostess walked up to him. He felt like he was in an action-romance movie: the tortured hero, flying at 30,000 feet just so he could get the girl after beating up several bad guys.
Although his story wasn’t as fascinating as action movie star’s, but it felt strange enough to him that even the humming of the people around him felt like background effects. The bad guys that he had beaten up was a single thug who had stopped his taxi on the way to JFK airport and demanded that he hand over his luggage, money, and anything else of value. The driver, scared out of his wits, had started babbling as the thug pulled them out of the car with the force of a gun.
Working in the film industry, Wayne knew fake props when he saw them, or so he thought. He had knocked the gun out of the man’s hands and given him once square punch to the nose and squeezed the veins in his neck, making him pass out. He picked up the gun and had thrown it in a nearby trashcan when it went off. Luckily it had been facing several more trashcans and didn’t do much harm.
His airhostess was a short, plump woman in her fifties wearing too much lipstick, and his heroic seat was located right next to the bathroom in economy. True, he could’ve afforded to go for a more expensive seat, but it was the height of summer, and he had just hopped in the cab after a call to his best friend. Soon not to be best friend if he had anything to do with it.
She wasn’t his closest friend, but she meant the most to him. They had, of course, been experimental teenagers and chosen to spend time together doing more than just talking when he had still lived there. She didn’t live there anymore either, Wayne reminded himself. When they were younger, he had convinced himself it was nothing more than a fling. They had tried, of course to stay as close as possible, but things just didn’t work that way they wanted to, and they had drifted apart, until she had somehow grown the balls to call last night.
They still had two hours until they reached the little seaside African town where he had spent most of his life. Very much not the hero, Wayne ordered a bottle of wine and swigged straight from the bottle. He didn’t have any plans on what to do once he got to the airport. He would decide when he got there. He continued chugging from his bottle of wine as they flew over land and ocean while darkness fell.
Tara smiled at herself in the mirror, bright and early on Sunday morning. She had arrived a week ago to her old hometown and it felt good to be in the heat. There was a constant breeze and it smelled wonderful to be back. Perhaps it didn’t smell like a bouquet of roses, but it was wonderful all the same. There was a hustle and bustle outside the windows as men pushed around carts, selling their wares. She brushed her hair rhythmically to the music playing on the television where her mother was watching Indian television shows.
She couldn’t stop from smiling at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t believe how different the girl behind the mirror was. When she still lived here, she had hated looking in the mirror, criticizing every flaw. But now, she felt different, she was more confident. Being away from the small, enclosed community made her realize that being a little bit strange didn’t make her an outcast.
She put down her hairbrush and smoothed out her dress. She had owned that particular dress ever since she was in the tenth grade, and it was still her favorite. She simply loved how it reminded her of home. She skipped to her mother who was still on the phone with her friends and kissed her cheek.
“Bye, love you” she whispered, grabbing some money from her mom’s wallet and indicating that she had done. She grabbed her flip flops and her beach bag, and walked downstairs, waving to her security guards and she called her driver over. She told him where she was going and she sunk into the seat.
She looked out the window, drinking in the sights again. She passed her friends homes and her old school, and a feeling of nostalgia came over her. Tara missed her old school days when she could simply sit about and go to the beach whenever she wanted.
The pink cell phone on the seat beside Tara began to vibrate and play a song. Her driver sang along before she picked up and giggled, motioning for him to be quiet.
“Tara! Where are you? The boats about to leave!” Sang Serena from the other end of the line.
“I’m getting there, don’t worry about it.” Tara mumbled, chewing on her finger. In truth, she was only five minutes away, but the traffic had multiplied and erupted into hundreds of cars blocking her way. For the fiftieth time in her life, Tara wished she owned a motorbike, making it more convenient for her to get places.
When she finally got to the little inlet where the boats took off, the boat had already left, but her friends had left a note behind.
Tara! We’re sorry! We didn’t have enough
Credit to call, but um, the next boat’s going to be
At 12, it’s just half an hour! Wait it out! Please!
Love yous! Xx Joan, Serena, Tarek!
Tara sighed. She loved her friends but she never thought that they would just… ditch her like that! She used to be a generally calm person and sweet enough to not show her anger, but she had changed, and they just hadn’t realized. Tara frowned, letting the anger build up. She didn’t want to be shy, sweet, understanding Tara anymore. She wanted to be able to get angry if she wanted to. She growled slightly under her breath, a talent that had helped her out when she was trying to reject persistent guys.
She grabbed up her bag tightly under a shoulder and walked around a bit until she found the coffee shop. She ordered nothing, not being too fond of coffee, and wandered around again. She finally found herself at the ice cream store and picked out kiwi and strawberry icecream and had them mashed together in half scoops on her cone. She licked as she walked and began wondering about her conversation with Wayne.
She hadn’t talked to him in years, and she figured she should reconcile. She wanted to see him again since she was back, but it turned out he wasn’t coming back for the summer. She told him she was sorry, and she told him she was excited for being back with the beach, people and peace. He sounded slightly vague, but she supposed she was lucky he didn’t just hang up on her.
She smiled a little thinking about the times she had been here with other friends, over 18 years of her life. She remembered her class trips to the beach, just like this, a little less eventful and they didn’t leave anyone behind, but they were similar to this. It was fun and crazy, and she remembered her first kiss under the lantern near the bridge. Just this one place held so many memories for her.
Tara smiled to herself and sat down on the stone bench that was now under the lantern. She giggled a little bit to herself as the cold ice cream dripped on her dress, and wiped it up only to have more spill on her. She gave up, and held her cone up with tissue. She closed her eyes for a moment when she heard a voice.
“Hello, miss?” Tara flicked her eyes open to search for the owner of the husky, deep voice. There was a man standing to her left, looking out at people sitting and talking around the courtyard.
“Uh, yes?” She answered with hint of her childish awkwardness reappearing. She looked quickly away from the stranger, and stared at the ocean.
“You look wonderful, but I couldn’t help noticing that you’ve got ice cream all over your dress” The stranger still faced the courtyard, but there was an unmistakable smirk on his lips.
“ Are you new around here?”
“Not that it has anything to do with the ice cream all over you, but I’ve been gone for a while”
“Then I wouldn’t go judging new fashion.” I smiled slightly, knowing I was losing my argument, but it felt good to fight back anyway.
“Someone’s got a bite to match her bark” He laughed softly.
Tara smiled and glanced down at her watch, not dignifying his comment with a reply since she didn’t have one. It was 11.55 and her boat was supposed to be back soon. She fidgeted with the hem of her dress for a moment, and then picked her bag up again.
The stranger spoke again, “can I sit down for a moment, if you don’t mind?”
“Go ahead,” Tara smiled and got up, “I was just leaving”. She began to walk away, swishing her hips.
“Wait a second,” he brushed her shoulder with his fingers, “take this.” He slipped a napkin into her bag, brushing her back lightly.
Never be lonely
I sat by the mustard yellow couch on a hard wooden stool, scared to sit down next to her. I was afraid I would break her. There wasn’t a lot I could do for her now, except keep her as comfortable as I could. Five years, we had five years together, of laughing and playing, and we never mentioned a word. I remember the day she told me like the back of my hand. As I watch her sleeping face, I drown in a memory, resting my hand lightly on her ankle.
The phone is ringing. It’s four in the morning. I hate you, I’m thinking to the person outside the door, trying to send the message with my brainwaves. I stumble to the door to find Carrie standing at the door. I smile brightly, until she steps in, her face drawn, and damp…were those tears? I frown at her, “what happened?” I ask.
“I… I… can’t talk about it. can I stay with you?” of course I can’t refuse. This was Carrie. Carrie, my Carrie, even though she doesn’t know it yet. I put an arm around her shoulder, and sit her down on the mustard couch, hoping I can replace it soon. I give her a hug, and she stares at me blankly. It hurts that she can’t talk to me.
“Water?” I ask. She nods, her face about to crumple once more. I get her water, and a bottle of vodka, just to be on the safe side. I pour a little of both into a glass, I didn’t have juice. She could deal with it. I hand her the glass and sit with her for an hour maybe, just sitting and thinking. It passes by painfully.
The silence presses down on my ears, I think I might scream. I couldn’t scream. A crack of light starts to pass through the window, and I know that it’s a new start of a day. I sigh, and I know I have to try making a new start. “I love you”. It comes out so easily because I’ve been saying it in my head every time I leave her. The difference doesn’t register in my brain. I’ve never been alone with Carrie, I knew she’d stay by my side as a friend even if she despised the idea. She bites her lip.
She doesn’t answer. The hands of the clock move by slowly, marking ten…twenty…thirty minutes. “I can’t love you”. It was as simple as that, apparently.
“yeah, I know.”
“no, no you don’t. I’m…” she sighed, “It’ll be easier if I just tell you now I guess. I’m.., dying” a tear rolls down her face.
My face doesn’t move. I don’t believe her. I don’t want to believe her. “Carrie?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I’ll still love you.” I say what I would want to hear. I don’t think it’s going to happen, but what do I know? All I know is that she’s the girl I’m in love with. I drag my eyes across the wall, and look at her again, my eyes catching hers. I lean down and kiss her, once. Her eyes open in shock, and her mouth opens.
“Why are you surprised? I told you I love you.”
“I have four years. Four and a half at the most. I didn’t know you meant it like that.”
I close my eyes.
I blink five years later, my eyes adjust to the dying light in the room. The dusty television set in the corner doesn’t work. I hate that. Carries loved, loves, to watch movies. I get up, pacing. I hate this. I hate that she doesn’t get what she needs even as she’s leaving. I let out a frustrated growl. I stomp my feet a little. Stupid world. Stupid cancer. Stupid television. I lift it over my head, and let it go crashing down. The screen splinters into a million pieces. It doesn’t matter what happens to me now that Carrie’s leaving. “Work, for the love of Carrie,” her name comes out a whisper. I turn, and see Carrie, her eyes open, staring at me.
“Carrie?” she doesn’t reply. She doesn’t reply! I stride to her, shake her shoulder. Her eyes are open! She must be unconscious. It had to be something simple. A simple explanation. There was nothing big, she had cancer, she couldn’t just pass out. She still had a while to go. That four and half years had stretched to five, it could stretch a little more. I rip my phone out of my pocket, tearing the already frayed denim, I call 911.
Within minutes, the house seems to be filled flashing lights and sounds. I rush to the door, and seeing a paramedic running out, my face is suddenly wet. I bring her to Carrie, I show her Carrie’s beautiful face, and her eyes still wide open. Ten minutes wasn’t a long time. It wasn’t. They could still save her.
They carry her out, and I wish I was like her, then I wouldn’t feel this feeling of dread that was creeping up. I wouldn’t feel like there was a guillotine about to be smashed down over my neck, beheading me. I wouldn’t hear this white-hot noise coming from everywhere. The screaming starts to turn red, blue, red, blue, red, blue…
I hear a noise and look up, “Carrie?”
“She had a heart attack. Must’ve been shock.”
I finally let the guillotine fall.
I tried to stop the world from spinning around.
It wouldn’t stop,
No matter how much I begged.
There was nothing anyone could do to stop it.
There was no way it would slow down.
It went faster and faster,
And eventually gravity gave up on it.
And water flew haphazard,
Drowning the flying people.
The houses, cars and roads ran amok in midair,
Thrown from where they belonged.
No one cared anymore,
Not even earth itself.
In the end, nothing could be done.
