People in love get everything wrong
People in love get scared and stupid
People in love get everything wrong
At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
They'll never be lonely
B-b-b-baby
I think I'm going c-c-c-crazy
Why should I be sane without you (hahh)
They tell me to fight it
They can bloody well just try it.
I'll never be the same without you (hahh)
People in love get special treatment
People in love get everything wrong
People in love their hearts get eaten
People in love get everything wrong
At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
They'll never be lonely
B-b-b-baby
I think I'm going c-c-c-crazy
And why should I be sane without you (hahh)
They tell me to fight it
But they can bloody well just try it
I'll never be the same without you (hahh)
(hahh) (hahhh)
never be lonely
never be lonely
never be lonely
never be lonely
never be lonely
Never be lonely
I sat by the mustard yellow couch on a hard wooden stool, scared to sit down next to her. I was afraid I would break her. There wasn’t a lot I could do for her now, except keep her as comfortable as I could. Five years, we had five years together, of laughing and playing, and we never mentioned a word. I remember the day she told me like the back of my hand. As I watch her sleeping face, I drown in a memory, resting my hand lightly on her ankle.
The phone is ringing. It’s four in the morning. I hate you, I’m thinking to the person outside the door, trying to send the message with my brainwaves. I stumble to the door to find Carrie standing at the door. I smile brightly, until she steps in, her face drawn, and damp…were those tears? I frown at her, “what happened?” I ask.
“I… I… can’t talk about it. can I stay with you?” of course I can’t refuse. This was Carrie. Carrie, my Carrie, even though she doesn’t know it yet. I put an arm around her shoulder, and sit her down on the mustard couch, hoping I can replace it soon. I give her a hug, and she stares at me blankly. It hurts that she can’t talk to me.
“Water?” I ask. She nods, her face about to crumple once more. I get her water, and a bottle of vodka, just to be on the safe side. I pour a little of both into a glass, I didn’t have juice. She could deal with it. I hand her the glass and sit with her for an hour maybe, just sitting and thinking. It passes by painfully.
The silence presses down on my ears, I think I might scream. I couldn’t scream. A crack of light starts to pass through the window, and I know that it’s a new start of a day. I sigh, and I know I have to try making a new start. “I love you”. It comes out so easily because I’ve been saying it in my head every time I leave her. The difference doesn’t register in my brain. I’ve never been alone with Carrie, I knew she’d stay by my side as a friend even if she despised the idea. She bites her lip.
She doesn’t answer. The hands of the clock move by slowly, marking ten…twenty…thirty minutes. “I can’t love you”. It was as simple as that, apparently.
“yeah, I know.”
“no, no you don’t. I’m…” she sighed, “It’ll be easier if I just tell you now I guess. I’m.., dying” a tear rolls down her face.
My face doesn’t move. I don’t believe her. I don’t want to believe her. “Carrie?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I’ll still love you.” I say what I would want to hear. I don’t think it’s going to happen, but what do I know? All I know is that she’s the girl I’m in love with. I drag my eyes across the wall, and look at her again, my eyes catching hers. I lean down and kiss her, once. Her eyes open in shock, and her mouth opens.
“Why are you surprised? I told you I love you.”
“I have four years. Four and a half at the most. I didn’t know you meant it like that.”
I close my eyes.
I blink five years later, my eyes adjust to the dying light in the room. The dusty television set in the corner doesn’t work. I hate that. Carries loved, loves, to watch movies. I get up, pacing. I hate this. I hate that she doesn’t get what she needs even as she’s leaving. I let out a frustrated growl. I stomp my feet a little. Stupid world. Stupid cancer. Stupid television. I lift it over my head, and let it go crashing down. The screen splinters into a million pieces. It doesn’t matter what happens to me now that Carrie’s leaving. “Work, for the love of Carrie,” her name comes out a whisper. I turn, and see Carrie, her eyes open, staring at me.
“Carrie?” she doesn’t reply. She doesn’t reply! I stride to her, shake her shoulder. Her eyes are open! She must be unconscious. It had to be something simple. A simple explanation. There was nothing big, she had cancer, she couldn’t just pass out. She still had a while to go. That four and half years had stretched to five, it could stretch a little more. I rip my phone out of my pocket, tearing the already frayed denim, I call 911.
Within minutes, the house seems to be filled flashing lights and sounds. I rush to the door, and seeing a paramedic running out, my face is suddenly wet. I bring her to Carrie, I show her Carrie’s beautiful face, and her eyes still wide open. Ten minutes wasn’t a long time. It wasn’t. They could still save her.
They carry her out, and I wish I was like her, then I wouldn’t feel this feeling of dread that was creeping up. I wouldn’t feel like there was a guillotine about to be smashed down over my neck, beheading me. I wouldn’t hear this white-hot noise coming from everywhere. The screaming starts to turn red, blue, red, blue, red, blue…
I hear a noise and look up, “Carrie?”
“She had a heart attack. Must’ve been shock.”
I finally let the guillotine fall.
awwww, that story's so sad. (it may be cuz im already depressed, though) it's soo good though.
ReplyDeletewowwwwwwwww that story is really good, and also really really sad. cancer sucks.
ReplyDeleteThat's a sad story. My mom had cancer a year ago. She had skin cancer and thyroid cancer. Luckily, it wasn't too serious and she recovered.
ReplyDelete